He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
