We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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