I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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