I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
