i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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