Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
