i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
