I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Vodka?
Forever.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
