That's when you crack a 10am beer
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
