he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
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