I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have feelings that need drinking.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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