i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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