Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I believe in your delicious
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
