so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
