So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
