Who did Billy Mays play for?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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