matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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