we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
