Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
