Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
