i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
