they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
