there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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