HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
