in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
