I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
