I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
