Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
