Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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