Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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