i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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