im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
