So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
