apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
