either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
