I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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