I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
3pm strippers are depressing
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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