You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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