So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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