It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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