The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
