Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
