Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
