I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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