Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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