I think my vagina is haunted
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
