I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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