dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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