The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
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