my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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