carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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