Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
