For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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