my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
