My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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