I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
