sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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