I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
