I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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