I puked a lego.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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