That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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