He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize