have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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