The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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