sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
