a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
