Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
