i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
