dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
