dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
