Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
