i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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