i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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