Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
