i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
