I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
