Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
